The Mt. Holly Register is the official mouthpiece of the city of Mt. Holly, MN (pop. 1) and a tax loophole of the La Mano Rendering Facility.
Mayor: Mike Haeg
Population: 1
Exports: The entire fiscal income of Mt. Holly, MN is derived from the creation of art and advertising.
Election Night
Tuesday, November 8th
In an attempt to increase participation on election day (Mt. Holly scored lowest in the nation last year with a very unpatriotic 7% turnout), The Mt. Holly League of Women Voters hosts the first annual Election Night Burlesque Review. Must be of voting age for admission.
Citywide Garage Sale
Date TBD
When we state that our garage sale is citywide, we aren't kidding. Failure to participate in this civic function draws the hefty penalty of forced public nudity. Come for the bargains, stay for the humiliation.
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The Sandwich Club • Slothmore Institute • ASPMA
On this day, the founding fathers of our fair city received recognition of charter by the honorable and completely legitimate State of Minnesota. Be it proclaimed that applications for residency are being accepted for consideration by those living within the physical limits of the City of Mt. Holly proper. A great cheer rose from the masses, as Mayor Haeg was paraded through the street, carried by his loyal henchmen, the coroner, the postmaster, and city council. From this day forth be it known that Mt. Holly, MN is not a illusion, mirage, pipedream, whim, fantasy, self-serving joke, lie, misconception, folly, or inkling. Mt. Holly is a very concrete city that welcomes all humans of the bearded and non-bearded varieties. Noise ordinances are strictly enforced. Building permits required. - Haeg