The Mt. Holly Register is the official mouthpiece of the city of Mt. Holly, MN (pop. 1) and a tax loophole of the La Mano Rendering Facility.

La Mano Gallery Showing Closing
Saturday, October 8th
The unholy epicenter of the La Mano Empire surfaces at Creative Electric Studios. Celebrate Zak's new book and see art by some real solid folks. I hope I can get my shit together before then. Sound provided by DeStijl Records founder Clint Simonson and the Scott County Sound System (me). For more info visit Creative Electric Studios.

Citywide Garage Sale
Date TBD
When we state that our garage sale is citywide, we aren't kidding. Failure to participate in this civic function draws the hefty penalty of forced public nudity. Come for the bargains, stay for the humiliation.
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The Sandwich Club • Slothmore Institute • ASPMA

Pre-election Redistricting Results in Sordid Cartographer on Cartographer on Cartographer Sexcapade. - Awkward glances and stunted conversations peppered the offices if Gordon & Raye last Wednesday as the members of its political cartography group returned to work after a night of exploring each other's topography. Sherrill Tompkins, who participated in the debauchery reported, "I don't know what happened, (Tommy) Harris (shown above with ample measuring device extended) said something about zoning my wetlands for business, to which I responded that our objective was political, not commercial. (Hampton) Arneson (in glasses) broke out a funny cigarette and responded, "In that case I propose we get liberally zoned." The rest is a bit blurry. - (continued on page A4)

"Bring Me the Head of Herb Score," declares Mayor! - In a confusing, last-ditch effort to retain the favor of his constituents, Mayor M. Thomas Haeg called for the head of former Cleveland Indian and beloved radio announcer Herb Score. In a nonexistent phone interview, 72 year old Score remarked, "For a second there I though maybe old Gil McDougald was back in town" followed by several hilarious mispronunciations of the Mayor's name. Well played, Mr. Score - Well Played Indeed! - Haeg for Mt. Holly Register